


Butterfly Effect

by dizzystars



Category: Transformers Animated (2007)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Character Study, Discussion of Death, During Canon, Fluff, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mostly hurt, Post-Canon, in excruciating detail, shockwave ruined ironhides life inadvertently and we never talk about it, so im here to talk about it, specifically an ironhide character study, there are a few characters that are eluded to as dead but arent Confirmed dead
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-08
Updated: 2019-08-08
Packaged: 2020-07-27 20:14:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20051890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dizzystars/pseuds/dizzystars
Summary: From the perfect start to the finish line.(Alternatively: a brief look into Ironhide's life and how one bot affected it all.)





	1. 4

“I swear if that bumbler of a bot makes us do even _one more_ transform-up, I’m going to rip out his vocal synthesizer and _shove it up his tailpipe_.”

Ironhide chuckled and offered Wasp a warm smile. He watched from his berth as the smaller mech tried to stretch out all the stress his joints had received from doing so many transform-ups. Ironhide shared his quarters with Wasp-- stretching out and bitterly talking about how pissed he was at Bumblebee had become a nightly routine for the two at this point. Ironhide was annoyed with their fellow cadet as well, but not to the extent Wasp was. He was happy to be a sympathetic audial for the other, though.

“I was thinking of something a lot less violent, but that works too,” he casually replied.

Wasp got up and onto his pedes to look at Ironhide. He stretched his arms over his helm and asked, “What _were_ you thinking of?”

“Taking off those stubby lil’ stabilizing servos of his and putting them up somewhere short-stack can’t reach ‘em?” he answered with a grin.

Wasp burst out laughing, which in turn, made Ironhide snort out a laugh too. The smaller mech stumbled over and into Ironhide’s berth, landing right next to him, all the while still snickering. “Oh, that’s _perfect_. It’s settled; we’re doing that.”

“Well, we ain’t doing anything if we don’t try recharging soon,” Ironhide pointed out. He laid back and yawned. “I dunno about you but I’m exhausted.”

Wasp shrugged. “Yeah. I am, too.”

A small moment of silence passed.

“We gotta kill the lights if we’re gonna recharge.”

“I turned them off last time,” Wasp snapped. “You do it.”

The bigger mech huffed. “_ Fine _.”

Ironhide purposefully rolled right over Wasp and out of the berth and, in return, Wasp spat a curse at him. Ironhide just chuckled and went to turn off the lights. As he turned back around to head for his berth, he was surprised to see Wasp still in it. He had his back to him now and looked like he had made himself right at home. Ironhide’s optics nervously darted to Wasp’s own berth that lay on the other side of the room, as if looking at it would remind Wasp that he had his own place to recharge. Not that… Ironhide _ minded _ having Wasp curl up in his berth with him. It was just a little… unexpected.

Ironhide carefully crawled back into his own berth, trying his best to not disturb the other. He was worried he might break this weird spell Wasp must have been in and he would bolt to his own berth, never to speak of this again. Fortunately, Ironhide was able to comfortably lay down without bothering him. Ironhide laid on his back and awkwardly stared at the ceiling. He couldn’t recharge now with Wasp just… _ there _ . It was making his processor go _ nuts _.

“Do you want me to leave?”

Ironhide snapped out of his thoughts and literally flinched when Wasp spoke up. He turned his helm to look at Wasp who still had his back towards him.

“Nah,” Ironhide simply said. “I don’t mind the company.”

There was a small pause between Ironhide speaking and Wasp finally turning over to face him. Ironhide moved to give him more room, which was what he initially thought Wasp wanted. He became confused when the smaller bot pressed himself into his side. Ironhide awkwardly held his arm above Wasp for a moment as he tried to figure out what the Pit he was doing… and then he realized that Wasp was trying to cuddle with him… oh.

Ironhide gave in. He settled his arm on top of Wasp and pulled him closer. Surprisingly enough, Wasp didn’t fight him or say anything mean; he happily settled right into their new position. Wasp placed a servo on Ironhide’s chest and started to lazily trace his digit along the other’s insignia. Ironhide couldn’t help but smile.

“I don’t get why you put up with me,” Wasp suddenly murmured.

Ironhide’s optic ridges furrowed in worry. “What do you mean?”

“No one else I’ve ever met has tolerated me as much as you do,” he continued. “I know I can get really… _ mean _sometimes, and I don’t get why a nice bot like you sticks around with it. Longarm’s fine, and the others… they aren’t the greatest but they sure as slag are a lot easier to put up with than me, so I don’t understand why you don’t abandon me for them.”

Ironhide hesitated, trying to think of the right words to choose. “I… I think you’re a good bot.”

Wasp scoffed.

“No-- I _really _ mean that,” Ironhide persisted. “Yeah, you got your issues, but doesn’t everyone? I ain’t exactly the smartest or most cultured bot around, but you’re still here with me-- _ and _ cuddling up in my berth with me, as a matter of fact.”

“Don’t push it, numb nodes.”

Ironhide snickered.

“I dunno why other bots don’t like you, Wasp. Yeah, you can be kind of a pain in the aft sometimes but it’s a pretty small price to pay for getting to be with you when you’re nice-- which, by the way, happens a lot more often than I think you’d like to admit.”

Wasp was quiet. He then buried his face into Ironhide’s side.

“I’m really glad we met,” he muttered. “And I’m really glad that we got roomed together, and that you let me train with you, and that you don’t mind the fact that I’m pretty much glued to your side all the time. It means a lot to me. I know I don’t always say stuff like that but I hope you know that I feel and think it all the time.”

Ironhide rolled onto his side and wrapped both of his arms around Wasp, pulling him close. He could have sworn he caught a glimpse of Wasp smiling.

“Those feelings are more than mutual, bud,” Ironhide murmured, embracing Wasp just a little bit tighter than before.

If Ironhide hadn’t been so exhausted, he would’ve laid there the whole night cycle, just taking in the moment. He wanted to just memorize how it felt to have Wasp in his arms and how fluttery his spark felt. He had never thought that slipping into stasis would ever make him feel disappointed until now.


	2. 3

Ironhide couldn’t bring himself to step into his quarters. He had opened the door to them but had just stayed standing in the doorway, staring in. His optics were locked onto Wasp’s side of the room. The Elite Guard had come in just a few megacycles earlier and had taken every single personal item of Wasp’s, leaving it barren besides the berth that had been there when they first moved in. His spark ached. He reached up to press his servo against his optics as he felt coolant begin to form in them.

“Ironhide?”

He jumped when he heard the voice. He turned his helm to see Longarm a little way down the hallway. He must have been heading to his own quarters that were a few doors down.

“Oh, hey, Longarm,” Ironhide greeted him, forcing a smile. “I just, um…”

Longarm walked closer until he was eventually at Ironhide’s side. Ironhide’s smile faded and his gaze fell onto Wasp’s empty berth once more.

“Having trouble going back to your quarters?” Longarm softly asked. Ironhide nodded. “I don't blame you. You seemed to be really good friends with Wasp. I can’t imagine what you’re going through right now.”

“I don’t even know what to think about it all, y’know?” he blurted out. “We were just… so close. I’m having a hard time convincing myself that it was all fake.“

Ironhide reset his vocal synthesizer, hoping it would keep him from completely breaking down.

“Like, how can any bot just  _ act _ like they care about someone so much?” he managed to choke out. “I know that Decepticons are horrible and all but, _ Primus _ , are they really that bad?”

Longarm struggled to speak for a moment. He sighed as his face fell.

“I don’t know, Ironhide,” he admitted. “I wish there was something I could do or say to ease your pain but I’m not sure there is. I think you just need to give yourself time to heal.”

Ironhide stared at the floor. Maybe Longarm was right. Maybe this would pass and he would eventually get better… but right now, he was in so much pain, more than he ever thought he was capable of.

“You know, I still have that spare berth in my quarters,” Longarm suddenly said. “You’re more than welcome to move in if you feel too uncomfortable in here.”

Ironhide awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck. “Thanks. I guess it’d make sense for us to room together since we’re the only two left in our platoon now.”

They both winced at that. Ironhide nervously kicked at the ground. Longarm placed a servo on his shoulder and offered him a small smile.

“I’m so sorry you’re having to go through all of this, Ironhide. It’s been a long, rough day. I know it’s not much, but I’m here for you if you need me,” he gently said. “You’re a good, strong bot, ‘Hide. You’ll get through this, and I’ll be with you every step of the way.”

Ironhide nodded in acknowledgment.

“Want me to help you move your stuff?”

Ironhide hesitated, but then smiled back. “Uh, yeah. Sure. Thanks, bud.”


	3. 2

“Yo, ‘Hide! What are you staring at?”

Ironhide flinched as Hot Shot exclaimed right into his audial and affectionately slapped his back. He chuckled as he shoved his teammate off.

“It’s nothin’. Don’t worry about it,” he murmured before avoiding the confrontation by stuffing his face with energon.

Holiday parties were somewhat frequent occurrences for the Elite Guard. The higher-ups thought it was a good opportunity for bots from different divisions to meet and socialize with each other. Most of the bots who came were mostly interested in the free energon and festivities, but the companionship of their colleagues was also nice. Ironhide always enjoyed being able to hang out with his team on non-work related terms.

Rodimus leaned closer to Ironhide, trying to gauge what he had been looking at. His optics widened as he seemed to figure it out. Ironhide would have fought the prying, but he knew it was no use.

“ _ Oh _ , you were looking at  _ Longarm _ !” the Prime said as he noticed him on the other side of the room. “Aren’t you the one who drags him to this kind of stuff?”

“Usually, yeah,” he admitted. “But he already said he was coming when I asked if he was going. I thought he was coming with Cliff but he’s with Blurr.”

“Who?” Brawn grumbled from the other side of the table.

“That one intel agent. The one who talks really fast,” Red Alert explained. He gave her a puzzled look. She rolled her optics. “The one that Rodimus thinks is hot.”

That rung a bell with Brawn. “ _ Oh _ \--”

“I do _ not _ think he’s hot!” Rodimus exclaimed, shooting up from his chair. The others just stared at him, stifling their laughter and snide comments. “I mean-- he  _ is  _ attractive but, c’mon, I don’t… he’s not--  _ I’m  _ not-”

“Stop talking, Rod. You’re digging yourself in a deeper hole by the nanoklik,” Hot Shot snickered.

Rodimus sat back down and sighed. Ironhide couldn’t help but laugh a bit.

“Since when have they been that close?” Red Alert asked.

“I’m not sure. Longarm doesn’t talk much about his personal life… not that he really has one,” Ironhide admitted and shrugged. “I’m glad to see him hanging out at a party with someone besides me, though. He needs more friends.”

“I honestly don’t know why  _ you’re  _ even friends with him,” Brawn said, resting his helm in his servo. “Y’all got nothing in common and he’s not exactly the most exciting bot. He is head of the datapad pushers, after all.”

Ironhide frowned. “Longarm and I were in the same platoon together.”

“So?” Brawn raised an optic ridge. “I haven’t kept close with any of the bots I trained with. I don’t think most bots do.”

“Hey, Ironhide went through a lot when he was in boot camp,” Hot Shot pointed out. “I’m sure that after going through all of that scrap he’d really want to stay in contact with the only bot left in his platoon. Am I right, Ironhide?”

Ironhide shifted uncomfortably. “I mean… y-yeah. That and Longarm was always real nice to me after that all happened. He listens to me and really understands me. I mean, y’all are really supportive too, but Longarm was there. He kind of knows how I feel.”

“That’s understandable.” Rodimus glanced at Longarm and Blurr and then back to Ironhide. “You worried about Blurr replacing you as Longarm’s only friend?”

“Nah,” Ironhide said with a grin. “I don’t think he’s replacing me. He’s just being more social and that ain’t a bad thing. He’s a nice bot; he deserves to get out more. Plus, I doubt that Longarm and Blurr are gonna stay  _ friends  _ for long. Look at ‘em.”

The whole group subtly-- but not really that subtly-- looked at the two bots again. They were leaning pretty close together as Blurr helplessly laughed and snorted at something Longarm had said. Longarm gently placed a servo on Blurr’s shoulder and laughed along with him, nearly knocking their helms together.

“You  _ really  _ think so?” Rodimus said, giving Ironhide an uncertain look.

“I think  _ you’re  _ jealous,” Ironhide replied and chuckled.

Rodimus scoffed and sputtered over his words before letting out an angry snarl. Ironhide just continued to laugh and playfully patted his Prime’s back.


	4. 1

Ironhide should have been in medical with his team. Not because he was wounded, but because they were and he needed to be there for them. He wasn’t sure if Rodimus was even going to survive but… he had something important to do.

Coming back to Cybertron with most of your team fighting to stay online was hard. Coming back home with your wounded team and learning that one of your oldest friends was a double agent was world-shattering.

Ironhide couldn’t even really feel anything at the moment. The initial shock had hit him when he first received the news, but after that, he just felt numb. He was angry--  _ of course _ he was angry-- but he should have felt hurt and betrayed. Maybe it would set in later. Right now, though, he couldn’t feel much. Still, that didn’t stop him from gladly taking the duty of tracking down “Longarm”--  _ whatever _ this Decepticon scum was called-- and bringing him to justice.

He stormed down the hallway, heading to Longarm’s office. He was last reported there by Cliffjumper, who had fortunately left a while ago, rendering him safe from the Decepticon. Ironhide clenched and unclenched his servos as a million thoughts swarmed his processor. Longarm had framed Wasp. He had lied to Ironhide and Blurr and Cliffjumper and Rodimus--  _ everyone _ . He had put on a facade of being this kind, caring bot who was Ironhide’s closest, dearest friend. Primus knows what else he did that they weren’t aware of yet. Ironhide couldn’t wait to see that brute put in stasis cuffs and thrown in the stockades to rust. He would make sure that no one would be hurt by him ever again.

“Longarm!” he called down the hall, getting closer and closer to his destination. “We know you’re in there! Come out quietly and--”

Ironhide’s words trailed off as an automated door he was passing by opened. He glanced inside the room, but stopped and completely turned his helm when he realized what was there. His spark twisted and his world somehow fell apart even more than before.

“Ultra Magnus, what happened?”


	5. 0

There had been so much that had changed and so much that hadn’t. Finding himself at another Elite Guard social function with his team was familiar, and so was Rodimus being overcharged and obnoxiously partaking in the karaoke that was offered (which was a _ horrible _idea for such an event).

What was new was Rodimus pointing and singing to Blurr who sat in the audience, laughing hysterically. Though Rodimus had not announced that he and Blurr were officially together yet, any bot with a pair of working optics could see the feelings blossoming between the two. Blurr seemed tired-- he usually couldn’t stay out late due to the fact that he was still recovering from his spark transplant and needed frequent recharge-- but happy, his face bright pink and a wide smile stretched across his face as he laughed. Cliffjumper was set next to him and seemed much less enthused to be so near Rodimus. He had his helm in his servos and was shaking it. Cliff still wasn’t all that close to Ironhide or the rest of his team, but he was close to Blurr now, and since Blurr was always with Rodimus, it meant that Ironhide got to see more of him. The minibot still kept his hot-headed attitude, but it was dulled… as if he knew he should spend his anger elsewhere now.

Ironhide was sitting with the rest of his crew, but his optics had drifted to the other side of the room to Optimus’ team. Once they had returned to Cybertron, Ironhide had taken the opportunity to reconnect with Bumblebee and Bulkhead. He apologized for being so mean to them back during camp and was hoping for a second chance. He was so relieved that both of them were more than happy to try out a friendship with him.

Ironhide sighed as his tank bubbled with nervousness. He’d been putting off a… certain conversation with them for a long while, but he had finally decided that tonight would be the night. He was just still trying to find the strength to even walk over to them.

“Hey, you alright, ‘Hide?”

Hot Shot’s voice made him jump. He turned his helm to meet the other’s gaze.

“I, uh… I’m gonna go say hi to Bee, Bulk, and the others real quick,” Ironhide blurted, quickly standing up. “I’ll be right back.”

“You didn’t answer his question,” Brawn interrupted.

“I’m fine!” Ironhide replied with a wave of his servo. He quickly headed towards the other table before Red Alert could chime in as well.

“Hey, Ironhide!” Bulkhead greeted. “Coming to join us?”

“Yeah, actually,” Ironhide chuckled. “Do y’all mind?”

“Not at all,” Optimus said with a smile. “Take a seat.”

Ironhide murmured his thanks and pulled up a chair to sit between Bulkhead and Sentinel. It was only then that he had realized that Jazz and Sentinel were also at that table. He supposed that made things slightly more awkward but… he had already committed.

He sat there for a while, waiting for a lull in their conversating. Ironhide wasn’t paying attention enough to know what they were talking about. He was too busy preparing himself to speak.

Eventually, the conversation they were having faded into a small moment of silence. Ironhide quickly decided that this would be the time to chime in.

“Hey, uh, could I ask y’all about something?” he blurted.

Everyone looked at him with wide optics. He supposed it was a bit rude to not contribute anything to the prior conversation and then randomly speak up.

“Uh, sure,” Bumblebee answered. “What do you want to know?”

“It’s um…” Ironhide cleared his vocalizer. “I wanted to ask about Wasp. I heard that y’all ran into him on Earth after he broke out.”

A deafening silence fell over the group. Sentinel didn’t even try to be subtle and loudly exhaled, covering his face with his servo. Bumblebee and Bulkhead awkwardly looked away.

“Yes, we ran into Wasp on Earth,” Ratchet eventually answered, breaking the silence. “We had… more than one encounter with him.”

Ironhide perked up.

“Yeah, he kind of, uh…” Bumblebee nervously chuckled. “He kind of tried to replace me? Like, he switched our paint jobs to try to pretend to be me and get the others to think I was him in some sort of, like… revenge plot, I guess? But the others figured it out and he managed to get away from us after that.”

Ironhide blinked. That seemed… odd. The Wasp he knew wouldn’t have tried to do something as ridiculous as that. He probably would have just beat the slag out of Bumblebee.

“He was kind of running around the planet for a bit until he got captured by Blackarachnia and the Dinobots,” Bulkhead continued. Ironhide raised an optic ridge. “Uh… I-I wasn’t really there. I’m probably not the best bot to explain it.”

“A very long story short, Wasp got mutated into a techno-organic by a Decepticon,” Optimus finally spoke up. “But something went wrong with his mutation… and he sort of--”

“Well, we don’t really know what happened!” Bumblebee interrupted, trying to keep a positive attitude. “He was all like… glitchy and unstable and then kind of just… blew up!”

Ironhide’s spark dropped.

“He’s dead?”

Bumblebee stammered over his words. “We, uh, we don’t know for certain, but--”

“We never found his shell,” Sentinel interrupted. His arms were tightly crossed across his chest and he was staring down at the table. “And I doubt that either one of them survived that blast.”

"_Sentinel_.” Jazz frowned at him. “Be considerate.”

“I’m not going to sugarcoat it for him,” Sentinel snapped. His gaze turned to Ironhide’s. It was harsh at first, but after a moment, it seemed to soften a bit. “You wanted to know what happened to Wasp and I want you to know the truth: Wasp was deranged, unstable, got taken advantage of by a ‘con, and-- I hope-- went offline quickly.”

Ironhide couldn’t find anything to say in return for that. His spark felt as if it was being twisted over and over again, but the weight of the situation had not completely hit him yet. He couldn’t feel the coolant gathering in his optics, but he knew it would come eventually.

Sentinel huffed and leaned back in his chair. He pinched his nasal ridge. “I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s okay,” Ironhide replied, keeping his voice rather steady considering the lump building in his throat. “I was the one who asked. I’m sorry if I made things awkward… I assumed it wasn’t good but… I dunno. I guess I just… didn’t expect that.”

“We probably should have told you sooner,” Bulkhead said with a sigh. “I’m sorry we didn’t. I know you and Wasp were buds; you deserved to know what happened to him.”

“I told him I was sorry,” Bumblebee blurted. “I don’t think it helped much since I told him after he got mutated but… I at least got to tell him.”

“He would have forgiven you.” Ironhide sighed. He dragged his servos across his face, trying to casually wipe away the coolant building in his optics. “I know he would have. He never hated y’all.”

There was a small moment of silence.

“He _ didn’t _?” Bumblebee squeaked.

Ironhide opened his intake to reply, but stopped himself and chuckled.

“Slag, he would fragging kill me if he ever heard me tell y’all this,” he murmured, a smile desperately trying to form on his face. “Wasp was mean and all but he was just… insecure. He always said that he also got picked on growin’ up and that going to boot camp was his first chance to change that. I’m not gonna sit here and say that either of us were right in the way we picked on you, but Wasp would have gotten over it eventually. He just… he just needed to feel accepted for a bit. He would’ve apologized to y’all.”

“You really think so?” Bulkhead replied, tilting his helm.

“He would have,” Sentinel suddenly said. He was staring down at his cube, swirling the energon. “Wasp was a good bot.”

All optics turned on Sentinel. Ironhide’s were the widest.

“You’ve never talked about him before,” Ironhide murmured. “Especially not in a good light.”

“I thought Wasp was a traitor for more than fifty stellarcycles. I never wanted to talk about a bot I had such high hopes for that turned out to be a ‘con.” Sentinel snorted and shook his helm. “Seems like it happened anyways.”

Ironhide’s tank twisted at the reminder of Longarm… well, Shockwave, he supposed. No one ever seemed to mention him by either name; the references were always vague and followed by hurt silence.

“I really thought the world of Wasp, Ironhide,” Sentinel said, looking up at him. “And I’m glad someone else did, too. He would have been a good commander and a good Prime.”

Ironhide opened his intake to reply but nothing escaped his lips. He tried again but got choked up. He huffed and buried his face back into his hands. He felt Bulkhead lay a careful servo on his back.

“It just ain’t fair,” Ironhide sobbed. His words were slurred and barely coherent. “Wasp would have lived _ such _ a good life-- y’all could have gotten to know him the way I did. Instead that fragging traitor-- fragging _ Shockwave _ took it all away from him and took him away from _ me _.”

Ironhide let out an ugly yelp as he felt someone hug him from behind. He managed to twist himself around to see Rodimus with Blurr at his side. Ironhide buried himself into Rodimus’s arms.

“The others weren’t kidding. You really _were _looking to try to get yourself hurt,” Rodimus murmured into his audial.

Ironhide hugged him tighter. “Shut up.”

Blurr affectionately squeezed his arm, murmuring words of comfort to him. He and Blurr had yet to really talk about how Shockwave had affected them, but he had a feeling the conversation was going to take place even sooner now.

“Get out of my way.” Ironhide perked up when he heard Bee’s voice. “I wanna hug him too.”

Rodimus chuckled as he moved to let Bumblebee have him. They didn’t get to hug each other too long until Bulkhead swooped in, crushing them both in his arms. Bumblebee shouted at him, but all Ironhide could do was laugh and do his best to hug him back.

Bulkhead eventually dropped the two back into Ironhide’s seat. Bumblebee quickly hopped off to start bickering with Bulkhead about how his hugs were more like attempts on his life. Ironhide became distracted as he felt a different servo land on his shoulder. He turned around to see Sentinel.

“I didn’t mean to upset you--”

“No, it’s okay,” Ironhide quickly interrupted. “I’ve been bottling that up for a _real _long time. I kinda needed to have a meltdown, I guess.”

Sentinel chuckled. “You’re the best bot I know, Ironhide. I’m so proud to have been your sergeant… yours and Wasp’s.”

“Thanks, sarge,” Ironhide replied, his voice soft and genuine. “That means more to me than you’ll ever know.”

Sentinel offered him a smile. Ironhide so rarely got to see Sentinel smile. It just made the exchange all the more meaningful to him.

“I’m _ not _sitting in your lap, Rodimus.”

Ironhide’s helm whirled around to see Rodimus pulling another chair up. Blurr was standing behind Ironhide with his arms crossed, giving Rodimus a look.

“There’s no other spare chairs left! Plus, I doubt we could even squeeze another one into this table,” Rodimus exclaimed as he put the chair between Sentinel and Ironhide’s. He plopped down in and patted his thighs.

Blurr frowned. “That’s _demeaning,_ Rod-- I’m not going to sit in your lap like a protoform!”

“Here,” Ironhide spoke up. He managed to scoot enough to leave some room for Blurr in his seat. “It’ll be a bit tight. You can say no, though. I’ll understand.”

Blurr smiled at him and barely fought off a snicker. He plopped down next to him and squeezed in close, grabbing Ironhide’s arm to drape it across his own shoulder’s.

“Thank you, Ironhide,” Blurr chirped. “You’re so considerate.”

Rodimus fumbled over his words and chose to instead show his anger by frantically throwing his servos up in the air. Blurr and Ironhide burst out into laughter, and the rest of the table did as well. Rodimus quickly took the spotlight, loudly going on about some semi-related story to their current situation. Blurr listened intently, still holding onto Ironhide’s arm and gently dragging his digits across it. It was a small, but very thoughtful gesture. It melted Ironhide’s spark.

Despite the fact that Blurr and the others had essentially coddled him, and that they were all laughing over Rodimus’s current story, he still felt a tiny ache in his spark. He always did when in happy situations like these. Everything could be perfect… but Wasp would always be missing from it. Perhaps he could have been able to cope with it well by now, but Shockwave had stolen the opportunity from him by instead having him learn to cope with the fact that Wasp was a Decepticon. Now, he had to learn to live with the fact that Longarm had been the traitor and that Wasp had been innocent. It was hard.

Ironhide’s gaze accidentally fell onto Bulkhead and Bumblebee again. Both bots offered him big smiles, which he tried to return. Blurr suddenly held onto his servo and gently squeezed it.

“Are you holding up okay, ‘Hide?” he murmured. Rodimus had also turned his helm to look at Ironhide, his optic ridges dipping with worry.

Ironhide hesitated. Though his spark still ached and there was still a bit of a lump in his throat, he couldn’t help but smile-- really, _ actually, _smile. He didn’t have Wasp or Longarm anymore, but he had Rodimus and Blurr and Bumblebee and Bulkhead and the rest of both their teams-- slag, he even had Sentinel. He had so many bots who cared for him and were clearly there for him.

“Yeah,” he replied, nodding. “I’ll be alright.”

And, for the first time in a long time, a part of him truly believed it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so you've reached the end! first and foremost, thank you for reading! i've been working on this fic on and off since november so im really happy to finally get it out.  
the inital concept for this fic kind of started with this ramble-y tumblr post i made about my feelings and headcanons regarding ironhide & how longarm being a spy affected his life (you can read it https://drygabe.tumblr.com/post/175763095865/rambling-about-tfa-ironhide-under-the-cut-bc-oooo and see a more Direct version of what i tried to convey through this fic). i kept thinking about it more and more and it just cumulated into what we have now! a bit of a niche fic for such a small character, but i had thoughts and needed to get them out lol i hope that it may have spurred some feelings/thoughts in other folks too! (i would kill a man for more ironhide content dfgkjs)  
but thank you again for reading! i hope you enjoyed! ;w;


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